Guilt
by scienceneverlies
Summary: One shot, possibly two shot about Max's trial. Booth thought he had seen Brennan at her most vulnerable, but he hadn't and she doesn't want to let him. Will she let him be there for her? B/B.
1. Chapter 1

**My muse made me write this because when I don't listen to it, it doesn't let me sleep. For the purposes of this story, Brennan's grandfather **_**did**_** get her out of foster care. It was mentioned once on the show but since then she has said that she didn't know she had any extended family, so ignore that and assume he got her out of the system.**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Bones.**

* * *

Guilty. She did her best to try not to hear that word today and yet she had prepared herself that she might, but the reality was so much worse than she imagined. All the science and all the anthropology she could muster up were not enough to save her father from being sentenced to death.

She closed her eyes and felt her brother's hand on her knee. When she opened them, a tear gently fell from her eye down her cheek; she swallowed and mouthed the words "I'm sorry," to her father. She got up and walked out of the courtroom ignoring her brother who was calling her name and Booth who was telling her to wait up.

Brennan kept walking. She walked all the way home, ignoring the ringing of her phone. When she got into her apartment, she changed out of her clothes into sweatpants and a tank-top and crawled into her bed. She was exhausted, physically and emotionally. She was exhausted from working against her team; her best friend and her partner especially. But what she was most exhausted from was the guilt that _she_ felt. The guilt of being the reason Max let himself get arrested in the first place. The guilt she felt because she failed as a scientist to find a way to get him acquitted. The guilt she felt because she failed her family.

Just as she began to feel the sleep take over her body it was interrupted by the ring of her cell phone. She rolled over, picked it up, and looked at the caller ID to once again see Booth's name. She hit the ignore button and turned off the phone then turned off the ringer on her house phone. She knew it was irrational to be angry with him. Booth had to testify against her father; it was his job. He had to tell the truth; it was his job. But yet there was this small part of her that was mad; mad that he delivered testimony that sent her father to death row. She tried to ignore that feeling, but she couldn't and she couldn't talk to him, because she knew that all of this pain she was feeling, she would take out on him. She pulled the covers up to her neck and decided to let the sleep overtake her again, because if she was sleeping, she could ignore him, she could ignore the tears in her eyes that were just dying to get out, and she could ignore the pain in her heart that was unlike anything she had ever felt before.

* * *

The next day Booth walked into the Jeffersonian and straight to his partner's office. He was met with a dark room with the door closed. He made his way to Angela's office next. Angela was sitting at her desk doing paperwork.

"Hey, Angela," Booth said.

"Hey," Angela said in a somber tone, looking up from her work

"Where's Bones?" he asked.

"She's not in today," Angela replied returning her eyes to the papers on her desk.

"What do you mean she's not in today? It's Thursday; a work day. She comes in on the weekends, why wouldn't she be here during the week?" Booth asked frustrated.

Angela just looked at him and then back down at her paperwork.

"What's going on Angela?"

Angela put her pen down and shifted her attention towards Booth.

"You know Brennan pretty well. You've seen her vulnerable, you've even see her cry," Angela began, "but even in those instances you haven't seen her at her most vulnerable."

"What do you mean?"

"When Brennan found out her mother was dead, it was different. She barely had any memories of her; she hadn't seen her in 16 years. Brennan is a strong woman, but she can't always be strong. There are times when she can't fake being okay, when she's too upset she can't hide it and when those times come, she doesn't come to work, she doesn't answer her phone, she just stays in her apartment and ignores everybody because she doesn't want anyone to see her that way."

"Is that why she's ignoring my phone calls?"

Angela nodded her head in agreement.

"If she ignores everybody, how do you know?" Booth asked.

"Don't tell Brennan I told you about this. I don't know how much you know about her grandfather, but he got her out of foster care, and she lived with him until she went off to college. She kept in touch with him, they were never extremely close but for awhile he was the only person she had. About 6 years ago, he passed away and Brennan didn't come into work, she didn't answer my phone calls. She had given me a spare key to her apartment so when she didn't answer the door I let myself in. She was lying in bed just staring at the ceiling. She wouldn't talk to me."

"What did you do?"

"I just sat with her. Booth, every time she gets close to a family member, they leave her in some way. Maybe not intentionally but they do. She just needs to know someone is there for her, so I was there for her. I didn't leave until she was ready to come back."

"You're a good friend, Angela, now about that key to Brennan's?"

Angela looked at him questioningly then sighed, "She's going to kill me," she said as she took the key off of her keychain.

"You're a good friend, Angela," Booth repeated as he took the key and left.

* * *

When Booth arrived at Brennan's apartment, he knocked on the door. No answer. He tried again with a little more force and again got no answer. He gave up and slid the key into the lock and opened the door. There was no sign of Brennan in the living room so he slowly walked down the hallway and stopped at the doorway to her bedroom. He found her curled up lying on her right side.

"Angela," she said.

"Not quite," Booth said.

"What are you doing here, Booth?" asked Brennan angrily.

"I came to see if you were okay," he said as he walked over to the side of the bed she was facing. She turned her body to the other side so she was no longer looking at him.

"Go away, Booth."

"You know I'm not going to do that."

"Please, Booth, just go."

"Well since you said please … Nope, still not going."

"I do not appreciate you trying to be funny right now. Just leave me alone," she tried again.

"Bones, there are appeals. And you know what the criminal justice system is like. Your father could end up on death row for many years. You still have time with him. You have other family too."

"Russ made his own family," Brennan said as Booth heard the cracking in her voice as she tried to fend off tears.

"I meant the squints," Booth began, "And me."

"All the people who got my father convicted," Brennan began and Booth could tell by the sound of her voice that the tears were beginning to fall, "I can't talk about this right now," she said coldly.

"Fine," Booth said as he kicked his shoes off and climbed into the bed behind Brennan. He leaned over to where his lips were just inches away from her right ear, "I'm sorry, Bones, I'm more sorry than you could ever possibly know. The guilt will eat away at me for the rest of my life. If I didn't have to testify, I wouldn't have. I'm really sorry."

Brennan finally turned over and faced Booth, "what are you doing, Booth?'

"I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not ready to talk about it, but when you are I'm going to be here," he said as he wiped the tears that were straining Brennan's cheeks.

Brennan nodded her head and closed her eyes as her and Booth let the warmth of each other overtake the guilt tearing at their hearts.

* * *

**Review please? I'll be in your debt for all of eternity. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Because all of your reviews were so lovely I decided to add a chapter. This will be it though, hope you enjoy it. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bones.**

* * *

He lay next to her and watched her. He could see that even though her eyes were closed, her mind was racing and she couldn't stop herself from thinking. He watched as she turned back away from him and he knew, by the movement of her shoulders, that she was crying. He wanted so badly to rub her back, to comfort her, but he didn't want to scare her away, so he just watched. Watched as she tossed and turned and tried so hard to sleep. He witnessed her fail at doing so, the first time he'd ever seen her fail at anything.

* * *

Brennan knew that he was watching her. She could feel his eyes burning her back. After a while, she couldn't handle the heat any longer, so she got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower. She didn't want to face him. She knew that with just the right look he could make her talk. Make her spill her secrets. Give him everything he needed to destroy her, though it wouldn't take much effort at his point. She let the water fall over her for as long as she could.

* * *

Booth knew Brennan. He knew that she would take as long as she could in the bathroom to avoid having to face him. He walked around her apartment and by the condition came to the conclusion that Brennan hadn't left her bedroom since right after the verdict. He looked at the clock on the wall, 11:30 P.M., if he called now Sid could bring over some Chinese for them; she had to be hungry by now.

* * *

Brennan emerged from the bathroom an hour after she went in. She walked out and saw Booth sitting at her kitchen table staring at her.

"Geez, Bones, you take incredibly long showers," Booth said trying to get her to say something.

Brennan just rolled her eyes and turned towards her bedroom.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Back to bed," Brennan said turning to Booth once again.

"While you were taking the world's longest shower, Sid brought over some Chinese. Come on, Bones, you gotta be hungry."

She sighed and walked over and took a seat across the table from Booth.

They sat in silence as Booth ate and Brennan stared at her food, taking a bite every few minutes.

"Are you okay?" Booth asked getting Brennan to look at him.

"I'm fine," Brennan responded.

"I know what you're thinking."

"No you don't," Brennan said as she stood up and threw out the food that she had barely eaten.

Booth got up and followed Brennan into the kitchen, "I do," he reiterated.

Brennan tried to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm, "You don't, Booth. You couldn't possibly know what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling. You sound so condescending when you say that and it's making me angry. So stop pretending you do and stop say …" Brennan's yelling was interrupted by Booth's lips landing on top of hers. It wasn't sexy, there was no tongue, it was soft, a kiss of care, a kiss of unwavering love. After a few seconds, Booth pulled back.

"What was that for?" Brennan asked.

"It was the only way I could get you to stop yelling at me," Booth responded before crashing his lips into hers again, this time he let them linger there for a little longer.

"What was that for?" Brennan asked again.

Booth placed his finger under Brennan's chin, "I'm not here because I feel guilty. I'm here because other than Parker you're the most important person in my life and I care about you so much. Seeing you in this much pain, it's killing me, I just wish I could take it all away."

He did it. She knew he was going to say something or do something to get her to talk to him and this was it. She responded by burying her face into his shoulder. He let his arms fall around and embrace her. As she rested her forehead against him she began to speak.

"I just got him back. He may be a murderer, and I knew he was, and I let myself get close to him again. I got close, and now he's going to die and it's my fault. I wasn't a good enough scientist. I couldn't find a way to get him acquitted."

"Bones, don't say weren't a good scientist. You're a genius, if anyone could have found a way it would have been you. You couldn't find a way to get him off, because he did it."

"He wouldn't have gotten caught if it wasn't for me. He let himself get caught to be with me. I should have let him go, I spent most of my life without him anyway," Brennan said.

Booth broke his embrace to look Brennan in the eyes, taking her hands into his, "Hey, this isn't your fault. You know that he wouldn't have been in this position if he didn't kill anyone, you're being irrational if you think this is anyone's fault but his."

Brennan shook her head in response.

"What?" Booth asked.

"You're using my thought process against me."

"Yeah, well, I do what I can."

"I'm going to miss him," Brennan stated sadly.

"You can't miss something that's still here. Stop thinking so far ahead, Bones, start thinking about the now."

"The now?" Brennan asked.

"Yes, like right now, I want to kiss you again, so I'm going to and I hope right now you want to kiss me ba…" Booth's statement was interrupted by Brennan's lips meeting his. This time the kiss was passionate, their tongues dancing with each other as their lips melted together, because right now, all that mattered to each of them was each other. When they broke apart, both gasping for air, smiles graced each of their faces.

"Now, I'd really like to get some sleep," Brennan said as she led Booth back to her bedroom their hands still intertwined.

She crawled into bed and Booth climbed in behind her just as he had did hours earlier. This time though, he wasn't afraid to touch her. He brought her into him, the curve of her back, aligning perfectly with his chest and stomach. He wrapped his arm around her middle and sleep finally claimed the both of them.

* * *

**Please review. They make my life. :)**


End file.
